February 12, 2010

We were living for the minute, loving every second of it Fearless, wild, and free

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath his wind and mercy.

I don’t know how to explain anyother way to explain what I’m going through with my spiritual walk than that. I don’t understand any thing right now…I don’t understand how on my worst days I still can be able to see God and see what he’s doing in my life. Ha-ha like today I was stressed so I grabbed the first CD I could grab and popped it in and the song that came up was “today is the day”. Basically a song about praising God even on the worst days. Haha it was like OK fine! I get it… haha. I will admit I didn’t rejoice in today much. I did a bit, but mostly I was frustrated. I didn’t get my greek homework done, because I wasn’t aware that I was suppose to do it, I woke up at 8:55 this morning for a 9 o’clock class, then I fell back to sleep and woke up at 9:45. I live about 20 minutes away from my college, and well so I was late to my 10:30 class. After that I sat through a class that bored me to death about financial aid that I don’t even qualify for. I know I know, “you might as well try” but honestly I know I won’t get it haha. Plus my dad promised that if I go to the local community college for the first two years, he will pay for my college. J He can’t complain, he’s the one that said that he would tell me haha. Anyways after that I went to my advisor’s office to try and find out what the f I’m doing in this place haha. I mean I know what I’m doing, but I just don’t know know what I’m doing… Mostly I’m afraid that I’m just going to school to learn. I have about 3 ideas on what I want to do, and I just need to decide on one (I do have the one that I want to do more than the others…)

Here’s the list (just so you can have an idea…)

1. Open up my own daycare/after school place that has reasonable prices(the far out there dream)

a. Pros:

i. Be my own boss

ii. It really is my dream

iii. There really is no place that has reasonably priced childcare besides the churches.

iv. Be able to really change children’s lives

b. Cons

i. Would need a certification to do it

ii. Might not make a lot of money

iii. Fear that it isn’t feasible

2. Private School Teacher (most likely to happen)

a. Pros

i. Kind of what I have wanted to do since I was a little kid (be a teacher)

ii. Be able to change lives and teach on a daily basis about God in a Christ centered environment

iii. Be able to constantly challenge MYSELF to stay in the faith and answer the answers the students throw at me

iv. What I have always wanted to do all my life (can’t really explain why haha)

b. Cons

i. (not really a con, but a thought about what I would have to do additionally) Might have to take other classes to get a teaching certificate (don’t really know how that works)

ii. Afraid that I would become a professional Christian

3. Children’s Minister (would like to, but kind of see children’s ministry as kind of a dead end job, and don’t really want to work one of those for the rest of my life, might do children’s ministry on the side)

a. Pros

i. Would get to teach children about Christ

ii. Thought about doing this ever since my junior year

iii. Could work this as extra money…

b. Cons

i. Afraid that I would become a professional christian

ii. Dead end job

Ok, so those are my options and well while I wrote out those Pros and Cons I went back and wrote in ()s what I thought was most likely to happen haha. I just think that because I have wanted to be a teacher almost ALL of my life, it only makes sense. Also because I have been coming back to it a lot lately. I think I will talk about this more with my advisor next month. I’ll keep on thinking on it, and will document it on here. I really do think that writing on here helps me. It also helps me because I can go back and look over it and see what I’ve been going though…