August 29, 2010

Sundays are my favorite days

Ok so this morning I was driving in my truck to church, and so my thoughts started thinking back to my baptism. I was thinking about how I got baptized in the gulf coast on a retreat. I remember having the problem with deciding between the thoughts "I have been baptisted before", and also "my first baptism was more my parents saying 'we will raise this baby to believe' and I needed to say to the world 'I will raise myself to believe". I decided on the second one. I remember not wanting to do it at home, because I was afraid that it would become more about who came, and who didn't come (if you know my family situation, you understand what I'm talking about). I didn't want that, I wanted it to be about me and God. I wanted it to be between me and God. So...I did it down on the coast while I was gone. Another amazing thing was, was I was scared to call my dad, because I remember him not being oober happy about my brother re-baptising himself, and I was doing the same thing. I talked with my youth pastor and his wife, and both them and my whole youth group prayed over it, and when I called my dad and explained why I wanted to do it, and he was just like "oh well me and your mom did baptize you, but do what you want". It was a huge relief. I remember standing in the water and dodging the waves as my youth pastor was asking me the questions, and then I went under the water, and back up, and then I got trampled by hugs. That day was the best day of my life.
Ok so after thinking about all of that, I went into church, sat down, and well our sermon was about baptism, and how after that act, everything is differant. It was amazing. I have nothing else to say, but it was amazing how God worked. There is no other way to say it, but it was God. The sermon series was called "Everything is Differant" and the message was "Remember your Baptism". Another thing that was amazing, is the one song that makes me cry EVERYTIME I hear it was sung...it was just a wonderful day...

August 27, 2010

Random thoughts

1 the kids are driving me crazy, love them, but they drive me crazy
2 can't wait for tomorrow to sleep in
3 high school football starts tonight
4 have to go buy my books tonight, but can't
5 have to go buy my Greek workbook
6 excited to go to church this Sunday
7 Greek hopefully should be easier this time around
8 every week I'm going to do this
9 can't wait for my car to be fixed
10 I have money, and it feels great

August 21, 2010

:) catching you up on life right now...

:) as I have kinda? sorta? kept this blog over this year I realized how much I have changed. :) I now have the job that I want to have for the rest of my life (sorta). I want to basically be the management (who doesn't right?). I love kids, I adore their simple looks at life, I suppose that is a good thing, atleast I know what I want to do...
So today was fun, I went to work and cleaned my classroom. I really didn't do much, I don't know why my lead teacher had me there exactly, but oh well...I need to probably go to sleep, I'm starting to get this tightness in my chest, which means that I am overly emotional, which means that my time of the month is coming up.
I am giving in my two weeks to the local baptist church, because well honestly, I need to get back to church. I miss sitting in a pew(the chair at my church haha), and worshiping God. I NEED to get back to being spiritually fed, I just do.
I will post more tomorrow...I'm sleepy, going to go take a shower, eat, farmville, then sleep

June 28, 2010

New iPhone blogging

So I have fully comitted to this, you know why? I have an iPhone app to blog:). So basically I will be able to lose my excuses for not doing this. :) ok that's all for now.

June 15, 2010

Summer

So...summer is here? what? who would have known that?  I miss camp this summer, I miss it more than you would ever know! I have made up my mind that if I'm not in a class room at my daycare in two months from now, I will quit.  This whole no class room, so just try to keep yourself busy thing sucks :/ I'm pretty sure tomorrow I am going to stay in the large babies most of the day...just because that's my favorite age :) and also the people that I get along with best are in that room.  I keep on thinking that maybe tomorrow I can get in a room, maybe tomorrow I will be put in a room.  It's stupid! Its all because some parents thought that having two teachers on different days switching off would confuse the kids...BS! do you know what that is called? helicopter parenting! I had one of the nonhelicopter parents ask me yesterday why I wasn't still in thier room, that their child misses me.  This is ridiculous!  But the bright side to not working in that room, is that I really don't like the co-worker in there...idk what it is about her, but I don't like her...she just rubs me the wrong way.  Like yesterday she was pushing some kids in the buggy, and one of the teacher's kids was in it, and the directors had a message for us to read, and what did she do? Did she hurry past the door so that the kid wouldn't see her parent and therefore get all upset, NO! She freaking waited and sat there and sat there talking to me about the damn message the directors had left up there, and I was just like "well this one's parent is in this room, you might wanna move on, you might wanna get going so that she doesn't see her mother, please keep going, her mother is hiding so she doesn't see her" OMG! how many times can you rephrase that one sentence! It's ridiculous!  Other than her being dumb idk what erks me about her, but she really frustrates me...she's just one of those people ya know?  I don't even know why she's working with kids, she isn't any good with them. Ok, enough gossiping about my coworker....

May 18, 2010

Late Night or Early Morning

So I fell asleep about 8 last night, and woke up at one, apparently I can only sleep about 5 hours at a time. I am watching my favorite movie right now, Sweet Home Alabama. Ok so summer has officially started for me, and I am really honestly struggling to find work. I really want to work at the girl scout camp, but alas, I waited too long. Dang it! Apparently if anyone backs out, or a position opens up, then I get it. I really want to work out there again, but I doubt it will happen, oh well, lesson learned :). There's probably a reason for all this happening, I'm sure there is, but I am trying to find another job.

April 18, 2010

life is on the way up

As I look back on my last couple of months life has been so good, the only problem is that I haven't been focusing on the positive. I have been looking at that I need to do this, or I need to do that, or that one thing happened, and another didn't. I don't mean to say that I havent had positive times, however my positive times have more been like the times that I have been even really more conscience about what's going on. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but for some reason I seem to go through times when I don't feel anything, I'm just numb. The best way to explain it is to say that I am just watching the world pass by me and this person Sarah says things and does things and I don't know what she does. I know that sometimes that feeling is associated with depression, but read my gotta get this stuff off my mind post, because it explains everything in that area. ANYWAYS...Today I was listening to Guinevere by Eli Young Band and it almost made me cry, because I could see myself in that song. I seriously feel like some times I stumble constantly but at the same time, whenever I look back I knotice how far I have ran. It is so simple to look at the stumbles in life, and not the distance. I think at one point in life we need to look at the distance rather than the fall we just got up from. I don't know if it's the warmer weather haha or what but life really does seem to be looking up. I am going to call a daycare place tomorrow about a job, I have a new hair cut, a new hair color (highlights), and am about to sign up and start a new degree. If I said that I wasn't ready for another relationship, i would lie. I do want a guy, I am ready for a guy, however, I am not going to go run for it. I am not going to chase after guys anymore. I am just going to let God do his thing, I know that he has one out there for me, and I will wait. You also can't talk about this song without listening to the second part, "as much as she's running she's still here". That part hits right to my life. It seems like no matter how much I change myself, I will always be who I am. There are certain things that will never change in my life. I will never abandon my faith, I will never abandon my family, and I will certainly never abandon myself. I mean abandon myself as in lose myself in the things that I do. I am one of those people that knows just who I am, and really even if something happens to change me in my life, I still cling to the things in my life that I know are true: God loves me and saved me, my family will always be my support and finally I can always run into my daddy's arms when I need to. Well my leg is cramping up, so I am going to have to give the computer a break...talk to yall later :)

April 09, 2010

Favorite songs...or two of them...

Hell on the heart
Pray for you
The first one just makes me happy when ever I hear it, and the second one is just cute :) it definitely makes me laugh...

March 30, 2010

stress journal

Ok so for extra credit my student success class gets to do a stress journal. So here is my stress journal...(I figured I should do it on here)
Stress level right now is probably about a 5 mainly just because I know that I have to work tomorrow and also when I'm not working I have to be here for my house when we are getting our tv installed with dish! it's exciting, but I really don't like to have to do much on wednesdays when I work in the morning and then back at the evening. Oh well. Probably another thing that is stressing me out is a test in Greek. :P I think I know the stuff, but I have to study for it, and well I am going to do some of it tonight (the vocab words) and some of it tomorrow after work. Yes I know cramming doesn't work for most people, but it kinda does for me. My brain does the best when I just work and work until I think I can't anymore and then I take the couple of hour break before the test and then review for thirty minutes beforehand and then it's fresh. I really don't stress during the test, it's more before hand than during the actual test.

March 29, 2010

My paper

done, I got a 100

March 25, 2010

devotional day one

book: The Deity Formerly known as: God by Jarrett Stevens
chapter: before you begin and cop around the corner
interesting quote on the first page "God created people in his own image on the sixth day, and every day since, people have returned the favor" - Blaise Pascal
cop around the corner
haha i like this author... here's a quote (he's talking about people that have never gotten a ticket in thier lives) "On the slim chance that this describes you, then please read on with a sence of empathy and understanding for the rest of us...and feel free at any time to wipe that smug smile off your face". ha-ha I just can't say enough, but that is grand!
"Unless there is a God by whom "right" and "wrong" can be reliably assessed, moral judgments can be no more than opinion, influenced by upbringing, training, and propaganda" - JB Phillips
That is interesting, because I have been kind of questioning where morals came from. I mean I know that they come from your upbringing, but I mean what makes one brother a pot head while the other goes to church? If it was all up to upbringing then we wouldn't see that big of a divide. i don't know, maybe I'm thinking through this too simply. I know a lot of this goes into our nature, but it is also dependant upon God. This kind of goes into what we were talking about in New Testament today. We talked about infant mortality and all that and then that led us to human nature and how we all inherit it from Adam and well because of Adam, Jesus had to come and show us the truth. He had to come to show us the way that we should live and also more than that He had to come to die for our sins and take away the punishment we deserve.
The author, Jarrett Stevenson goes on to speak about how we all change when we see that cop around the corner, we all instinctivly start going through our check list like is my seatbelt on, what's my speed, do I have my licence and registration, are his lights going off yet? The funny thing is, is I do go through a check list like this. I see that cop and I'm just like ok slow down, seat belt? check speed? check haha. He talks about when we DO get pulled over how we all change in some way some how. I find myself the few times that in this last year of my driving history that I have been driving, I become nervous and start telling the cop why I was doing it, and yes I realized that I was going that fast but I was passing someone that probably didn't need to be passed, and that here is my licence and yes sir I can get that insurance out for you. It's kind of strange how we all become so polite once we are pulled over lol. I have gotten so caught up in what he's saying that I haven't really been blogging it, so well I'll catch you up on it once I'm done...lol or if I have any thoughts I need to get out.
Alright so I have one more quote and then I will sign off (I'm sure if you have read all of this you are kind of just like alright, do you have ADD or something haha, but I suppose if I actually have readers, then you already have picked up on my random writing style..)
This comes from a section on the Ten Commandments: "Sadly what was once understood as a gift from God has become a wall that separates us from him" I think that's very interesting... I have never really thought about it, but we all have those ten commands as something that we need to follow or we sin. They seem to be the basic laws of the old testament and we still try to live to them today. I know a lot of people who are just terrified at the thought of breaking a law that we have on earth, and even more than that they are afraid to break one of God's laws. We can't live in fear, because well while yes I think you need to have reverant fear of God, you don't need to be in FEAR FEAR. Because well if you are then you are also missing the whole loving side of God. (which I will go through tomorrow I believe) I think that you have to have a good middle ground on these two things, but there is a differance in being reverantly fearful of God (after all, he is God!) and being terrified of him. The first one means that because he is God, you have this respect and adoration that comes out of that fear. It isn't like my phobia of bees, it's more of a respect aspect of it. This might be the former Catholic in me speaking right now, but I seriously believe that you have to have that respect of God before you can even start to look at him. Ok I'm starting to ramble, so I'll end this post.
:) have a great day
SEF

March 24, 2010

random

haha ok so I'm bored right now, so here are some of my random thoughts. I really have decided that I don't have anything better to do, so I might as well blog ha-ha.
So..I have three dogs in my house right now, Alice, Harley, and Sissy. Alice is my puppy and Sissy and Harley are my dad's girlfriend's. It's really funny to watch Alice play with Sissy. They are in the middle of trying to find out who is in charge of the house. Alice and Sissy have both realized that Harley is too much of a wuss to take control of the dang house, and so they are trying to find who will win. It's really crazy to look at Sissy from the side because Alice looks so much like her. (Harley and Sissy are Alice's parents.) The dogs are always fighting over who will sit next to me, and I'm sure that it's some kind of power position, but oh well. I'm just going to allow Alice and Sissy to figure this stuff out.
The weather is terrible outside and I'm locked inside until later today. It sucks. I love warm weather and well it stinks when we have days like today. I have nothing to do but this dang landyard and homework, and I don't wish to do either, so you get a pointless blog from me :). I would fall asleep but I wouldn't wake up in time for work, and I know that I wouldn't. I really don't know what I'm doing tonight. I know that I have to be there at 6 and I start in L's room and then move to the Link. I don't know much more than that. I don't know where this dang room "Link" is, but I suppose I'll find it! :)
I find it very funny that I am teaching at a Baptist church, I go to a nondenominational church, and then I go to a Methodist church's singles group. Haha. It's very interesting. I promise I'm not waivering in my docterine, it's just that I basically have NO docterine. I have faith, but I had a docterine before in my life, and I really don't care for it. I suppose that's why I go to a nondenominational church :)

work day...

Ok so wednesdays are probably my most busy days by far, or atleast they are about to be haha. I work in the mornings, and then starting today at 6 I am going to work until 10 at night!! Wow! Hours are amazing! I am definately picking them up! Just this week I have gotten 8 hours that I don't normally work! I like it haha. My boss keeps on asking me if it's ok and that she doesn't want to burn me out lol, but I am glad for the hours. Probably right now I should probably be cleaning my bathroom, but I don't want to, I'll do it after I'm done with this blog haha. I'm going to start adding things about my devotion on here just so that I can remember to do both, maybe this will keep me accountable on both of them. I really try to do both of these things everyday, but it gets hard haha. I suppose anything that is worth it is going to be hard lol. I got my greek homework done yesterday (yay!!), so now tonight after work I'm going to write my paper for New Testament and read the book, it should be (fun?).. haha I really have another week, but I'm afraid that if I don't get M the book, she will get a bit mad. Speaking of the book, I should probably find that lol. I'm going to use that as my devotional today, it's just going to be tonight lol. I do have a book that I want to read it's called "The Deity Formerly Known as God". It is about how we take God out of his place and make him less important and put all of these differant relationships on him, it should be interesting. I think I will learn a lot. So..about the dogs: Alice is getting jealous about the other dogs loving on me, and well right now she's sitting next to me as I type this out, I think she's wanting me to put her outside for a potty break, but she's fine, she's just not use to being an indoor dog haha. Harley is staring at me from across the room, I seriously am just like HELLO?? haha. He's ok though... Sissy is....well she's Sissy, she doesn't really do much other than what she wants to do. (I personally think that she was suppose to be a cat, because that's how she acts unless she gets jealous and wants some loving too.) So I suppose that would be my life right now...have to do a New Testament paper, get caught up on Greek, and also a small project for Student Success that is due TOMORROW. That class really makes me mad. I don't like the teacher and well it's just a waste of time. I suppose that is all from me right now, I will talk to you when I get off of work tonight probably :)
Life is great, and God has blessed me,
SEF

March 23, 2010

Life catch up

Last time that we talk I was thinking about moving out with my friends and I was worried about my future. Well I decided that moving out right now isn't the best thing for me and I have decided that running my own childcare center is really what I want to do. When I started recently looking back on my life it really is something that has kind of been pointed by my memories. Everything from when I was eight and wanted to play with a three year older next door to help his parents have some time to themselves to this job that I hold now at the church. I now understand what I need to do (atleast for now haha) :). I need to get a certificate and then I'll get my associates in Religion and then just have to get everything prepared to send into the state.
Quick catch up: I have decided to retake Greek, I have decided that I will probably make a better grade on the class if I can retake it. Hopefully get an A! haha. I need an A lol. No one knows how bad I need an A. I am working so hard for an A, six weeks! Six weeks left!!! I can't wait for summer, I can't explain how much summer sounds so amazing! Alright that's school, now on home life: I decided not to move out, I can't tell how my father thinks of this, and I don't know how my friends feel about this either, but both of them can get over it haha. My dad moved in his girl friend and she's a nice enough woman, but I still don't know what to think about it. I suppose it's ok, it brought some normalcy to my life and I now have three dogs in the house. The dogs are always so crazy, they just don't know what to do with themselves. I just have to learn how to wear them down! ;) I am watching Julie and Julia and pretty much that's what made me think of this haha. I really enjoyed it! I need to put money in my bank account though so I don't get overdraft fees haha. Stupid movie! gah! haha gotta remember to return it so I don't get fined for another night tomorrow :/ surely I will be alright! idk...either way I'll just pay for it lol.

February 12, 2010

We were living for the minute, loving every second of it Fearless, wild, and free

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath his wind and mercy.

I don’t know how to explain anyother way to explain what I’m going through with my spiritual walk than that. I don’t understand any thing right now…I don’t understand how on my worst days I still can be able to see God and see what he’s doing in my life. Ha-ha like today I was stressed so I grabbed the first CD I could grab and popped it in and the song that came up was “today is the day”. Basically a song about praising God even on the worst days. Haha it was like OK fine! I get it… haha. I will admit I didn’t rejoice in today much. I did a bit, but mostly I was frustrated. I didn’t get my greek homework done, because I wasn’t aware that I was suppose to do it, I woke up at 8:55 this morning for a 9 o’clock class, then I fell back to sleep and woke up at 9:45. I live about 20 minutes away from my college, and well so I was late to my 10:30 class. After that I sat through a class that bored me to death about financial aid that I don’t even qualify for. I know I know, “you might as well try” but honestly I know I won’t get it haha. Plus my dad promised that if I go to the local community college for the first two years, he will pay for my college. J He can’t complain, he’s the one that said that he would tell me haha. Anyways after that I went to my advisor’s office to try and find out what the f I’m doing in this place haha. I mean I know what I’m doing, but I just don’t know know what I’m doing… Mostly I’m afraid that I’m just going to school to learn. I have about 3 ideas on what I want to do, and I just need to decide on one (I do have the one that I want to do more than the others…)

Here’s the list (just so you can have an idea…)

1. Open up my own daycare/after school place that has reasonable prices(the far out there dream)

a. Pros:

i. Be my own boss

ii. It really is my dream

iii. There really is no place that has reasonably priced childcare besides the churches.

iv. Be able to really change children’s lives

b. Cons

i. Would need a certification to do it

ii. Might not make a lot of money

iii. Fear that it isn’t feasible

2. Private School Teacher (most likely to happen)

a. Pros

i. Kind of what I have wanted to do since I was a little kid (be a teacher)

ii. Be able to change lives and teach on a daily basis about God in a Christ centered environment

iii. Be able to constantly challenge MYSELF to stay in the faith and answer the answers the students throw at me

iv. What I have always wanted to do all my life (can’t really explain why haha)

b. Cons

i. (not really a con, but a thought about what I would have to do additionally) Might have to take other classes to get a teaching certificate (don’t really know how that works)

ii. Afraid that I would become a professional Christian

3. Children’s Minister (would like to, but kind of see children’s ministry as kind of a dead end job, and don’t really want to work one of those for the rest of my life, might do children’s ministry on the side)

a. Pros

i. Would get to teach children about Christ

ii. Thought about doing this ever since my junior year

iii. Could work this as extra money…

b. Cons

i. Afraid that I would become a professional christian

ii. Dead end job

Ok, so those are my options and well while I wrote out those Pros and Cons I went back and wrote in ()s what I thought was most likely to happen haha. I just think that because I have wanted to be a teacher almost ALL of my life, it only makes sense. Also because I have been coming back to it a lot lately. I think I will talk about this more with my advisor next month. I’ll keep on thinking on it, and will document it on here. I really do think that writing on here helps me. It also helps me because I can go back and look over it and see what I’ve been going though…

_+SEF+_

January 28, 2010

SNOW!!!

so...if you haven't heard the whole panhandle has been shut down because of this snow storm. I enjoyed not having to do my homework, but that just means I have that plus more to do right now...oh well...more later, I don't really feel like writing...

January 26, 2010

College Life

So…trying to stay awake…just 15 minutes before I have to go to my car, and listen to the radio, and drink my meal ha-ha. So yeah today I came to the cafeteria to study for Greek, and well…if this one guy will be here when I come in here, I may start coming in here. Ha-ha. It’s not too bad of a place to study and focus on my vocab words…I might need to bring some headphones, but other than that it’s a place to study. Most of the people in here are teachers, and students trying to study, the only reason I EVER come in here is to study. Anyways about this guy: he came in and I was talking to Crystal, and he sat down by himself, when he sat down, he looked at me, I looked back smiling. He went and got his lunch (it is a cafeteria ha-ha) and sat down again, again as he sat down, he made sure to have eye contact. I kept giving him an occasional smile, and kind of looking at him when I thought he wasn’t looking, and he was doing the same (with the looking at me when he thought I wasn’t looking). I’m going to admit, he made focusing on my vocab words kind of hard, but that’s ok because the whole everything in here makes it hard to focus. That’s why I need a set of headphones… anyways back to the guy. After Crystal left we kept on doing this little exchange of looking at each other and looking away, (I looked behind me to be sure he wasn’t ACTUALLY looking at someone else and I was reading too much into it). He finally got up and looked as if he was trying to get the courage to come talk to me, and then decided to just walk out (btw: he walked out the inside doors instead of the doors that lead directly outside.) and as he was leaving he kept eye contact as if to say “well, I suppose good bye, see you around…”. I will probably come back on Thursday to study and see if he’s here ha-ha. I know that I sound like a teenager talking about this guy that looked at me, but he was genuinely checking me out, and that doesn’t happen to me all the time! Ha-ha

Well time to go eat and get ready for Greek…

Yeah, so last night’s studying was a waste of my time. It was frustrating, oh well suppose I’m ready for Thursday. I just have to try and stay awake so that I can fall asleep later tonight. I might take a cat nap for 2 hours, but I really don’t want to sleep too much … I don’t work tomorrow, but it’s still kind of important that I sleep on somewhat of a normal sleep routine. Or…at least as much as I can ha-ha. I think sometimes that I sleep too much, and others that I don’t sleep at all. I know, strange. Well luckily I have enough to do today that I should stay busy. Homework, Homework, Homework…I have about a million chapters to read, and to translate some of 1st John, and do some workbook. I suppose such is life in college, catch some Zs when you can, and then stay up WAY too late ha-ha.

SEF

2 problems in my life that won't let me study...

Late night studying:

Ok so I can’t study until I get all these thoughts out of my head:

#1: am I depressed? When asked this question earlier I obviously brushed it off as no, but then I thought about it deeper, and really idk. I don’t think I am, but recently I have been having a harder time than normal with my mother’s death, but that always happens around this time of year. From now until April 20th I kind of have a hard time, and well maybe that’s why I have been having such a hard time enjoying JNJ, Idk. I have a hard time, because all these memories seem to surface during this time. All these memories like how my mom always kept the heater on her feet because she didn’t like it in her face, and how she was very much into home cooked meals and how when she found a good book, she had to find someone to share it with. There’s a country song that came out and it says “You taught me how to live, and then you taught me to die” and I find that VERY true to my mother. She was my mentor, and probably through her memory still is. She was a woman that was quick to listen and slow to speak. She just had a very good way with me that no one except maybe my Mimi has. She was the woman that I strive to be every day. She was the woman that was my mother, and probably the one person that I loved the most in the world, the one that understood me like no one else could. Maybe she’s the reason that I hold so tightly to God even when I feel like I’m letting go, but that’s next… It seems like I go a while when I don’t really deal with my emotions dealing with my mother, kind of just ignore? Or just don’t have any about her, or I remember happily, or something idk and then all of a sudden I just go through one of these phases. I didn’t realize that they came out to where my friends could see, but obviously they do. People say that the grief gets better with time, but what they don’t tell you is that yes while it gets better, you still have those nights that you cry yourself to sleep, you still wish every second that that person was back, you still anytime you go to a funeral think about the one that changed your whole life. So the question is: am I depressed? I suppose I am a little bit, but I believe that it is a healthy amount for what I had to deal with at age 13.

#2: why am I majoring in religion? Honestly I have asked this question a lot this past semester, and even up until tonight. I found my answer tonight. There is nothing else in this life that we are suppose to do but worship God. He says that he is suppose to be our number one, he is the ruler of all, he is the King of Kings, and well he is God! I don’t know anything better to study than him. L asked me this question tonight, and quite honestly I was stumped, but then as I started truly thinking about it, I came to it, there is nothing else that matters. I know L was concerned about me earning money through out my life, but honestly that is not my main concern. I would rather do something that matters than do something that would take my focus off God. I know I know, no matter what I do I can always focus on God, but I don’t know what I would rather do than worship (and I’m putting worship as in something completely consuming everything that you do) the One that made me. Am I completely sure what I will do with my degree? No… Does that scare me, not at all, God will open doors. Having faith is probably the one thing that my mother tried to stress to me the most through her actions. She taught me that a lot of faith deals with just saying “God, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I am going to put myself in your hands, because I have no where else to go.” Most of my struggle with this question deals with the shift in our society from church and family values to agnostic and me myself and I values. I have the fear that we are about to enter into a dark age where true Christianity will be scarce and hard to find. If it doesn’t happen in my life time, I’m sure it will in my children’s. I am sorry for my children, because they will not have the same world as I did growing up. And maybe my choice in degree is just that, I wish to try and preserve true faith like I was shown as much as I can. I don’t know. I have a meeting with my advisor in a couple of weeks and I will see what she can help me with. Maybe she can tell me a better career to shoot for than children’s ministry or youth ministry. I might just go around speaking to people, I have thought about that too, however I also realize that unless you are crazy amazing that is a hard thing to do, and I would be afraid that I would become a “professional Christian”. AKA I would just get into a roll of things and stop really working on my faith.

Ok, now that all that is out of my head, I can study again…YAY Greek!

January 11, 2010

haha..

not very good at this am I? lol I'm sure there are alot of blogs like this out there...but mine might be one of the worst..
Weight:I have lost weight, you know how I know? I am down to a size 14! YAY I have been a size 16 since well since I started paying attention to my size in clothing. so...I'M EXCITED to be down a size!
College: I am going for my second semester, and well semester 2 starts out with academic probation because I got a B C D F. Oooops : / oh well... I just have to get good grades, which won't be impossible, it's just going to take me staying on top of what I'm doing. Luckily I have a friend which is in two of my same classes and well the others won't be so bad.
General Life: I. am. moving. out. yes I said those words...I'm moving out of my mom and dad's house!! I'm kinda excited...but at the same time, am scared to death lol. :D